in the beginning

well I guess I should start telling my journey so that I can help you get through yours. First do not think that this story nor any one else"s will bring less pain to yours. It will not and whoever says it will should not be giving advice until they are more honest with themselves. Your pain from your own situation is real, hurts, and can be felt by no one else but you. Own it so that you can get rid of it!!
I spent the next few days after finding out, sitting in a chair and drinking. Because of course my husband  after hours of talking, yelling, apologizing would and had to get up and go to work leaving me to sit and dream up fantasies in my head about his fairy tale life with his girlfriend. ( Remember now, we love to make it much more romantic than it really is. Even though they cheated they are still dealing with  the other woman, who they are talking, yelling, and apologizing to, also. ) So all day long I would wait until he came home so we could start all over again. Thank the lord this only lasted a few months before we realized we were getting no where and needed counseling to help us heal.
My husband had ended his affair by the time I found out and was trying to figure out how to make the whole thing go away. The problem was, this woman was very young and decided, to keep her man, she needed to have his child. Well, 50 and finding out your going to be a father with a woman young enough to be your daughter was not what he was looking for. He was just looking for, As he says, someone who needed, appreciated and loved him, the way his family used to. Way to lay the guilt somewhere else huh?
So now we not only have to try to fix our marriage, we have to pay child support and as he put it, play the role of grandparents, if I could handle that. Well, Mrs. Fix it decided to be the martyr and show everyone how I could handle that. BIG MISTAKE...!!! After months of shopping for clothes and gifts to show my husband how I could help HIM through this, I realized, I was slowly destroying my relationship because the resentment was building inside me. I was not doing anyone a favor, just tearing myself apart inside.
Lesson to be learned today would be, Do not think that you can fix someone else's mistakes or take on their responsibilities. Even if you decide to stay, let them own their own stuff, and you own yours. Tomorrow I will share with you my mistakes I made with my children in this mess, and how thank god they love me enough to forgive!
Today and everyday,Tell yourself how much you love yourself, enough to heal yourself.